my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
