So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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