I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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