I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
