capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
