You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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