I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
