Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
