i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
