Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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