Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
