wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
