It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
