So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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