Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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