how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
