Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
