No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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