i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
