I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
