I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
