trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
