The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
