I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
