Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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