don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize