You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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