his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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