I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
where am i from again
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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