Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
