he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
