The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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