She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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