So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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