my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
