god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
wow bdsm is so cute
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize