My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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