How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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