Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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