You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
4 words: hood of his car
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
