Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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