On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
