I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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