I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
