I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We are all done wearing pants today
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize