The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
