i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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