Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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