she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
