its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
