fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
