just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
