My nipple is on Facebook.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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