summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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