So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
