Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
