Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
