If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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