You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
