dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
