So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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