I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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