Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
