Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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