I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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