I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
