Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
kristin has been a bad kristin
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
