I accidentally had phone sex last night
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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