my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
