I'm sorry my penis didn't work
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize