i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
