We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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