Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
