You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
