I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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