i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
