Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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